Now THIS is Americana

“You can use statistics to prove anything. 14% of all people know that.”
- The Simpsons

95% of America looks nothing like the celebrities you see on the television and in the movies. And while not all celebrities are attractive, (the screen can do a lot for you, can’t it Mr. Cage?) the general consensus is they are more attractive than us.

Although, looking at the photoshops in the link below, maybe not so much more after all.

If Our Celebrities Moved to Oklahoma

I began with laughter, but ended in a more reflective mindset.

In high school I had a small revelation. So called “beautiful people” are usually only a slight feature change away from deformity. It’s a phrase I’ve come back to time and time again in my own mind. A good looking person might be that way because of perfectly balanced features, but just as often they are regarded as such because an accentuated feature. Say large eyes, or perhaps a particularly sleek chin. But the other side of the coin is that these accentuated features, if caught in the wrong light, they could seem quite strangely featured — even alien, to a degree.

If said eyes were to grow yellow with age, or said chin was to grow a twin, that person may not be regarded as beautiful anymore. This point is (sort of) where my mind went looking through the pictures above. And from the other end of the spectrum, maybe the humdrum yokels you meet on a daily basis could be one step away from “beauty.”

Classical Superheroes

Came across this today — a photoshop contest wherein the contestants were asked to “photoshop in” superheroes of their choice in to classical paintings. There are some pretty sweet results, but don’t bother after page three as the submissions begin to deteriorate in quality.

Also, slight warning, there is some renaissance style nudity in some of these. Mildly NSFW I suppose.

Superheroes in Fine Art

Below is the first place winner.

Weekend Linkery

A couple links to stave off the weekend boredom.

‘Ice Man’ Climbs Everest in a Pair of Shorts
It’s a bitterly cold winter day and students on the University of Minnesota campus are bundled up, hurrying to their next class. Wim Hof, dressed in shorts, sandals and nothing else, appeared from the doorway of a school building.

He’s known as ‘The Ice Man.”

Incredible Photo of the Earth at Night
The “wild fire” notation is pretty cool.

Mapping a “Choose Your Own Adventure” Book
I got a laugh reading the endless ways you can “die” as compared to the 1 ending where you “win” (become rich.) I remember reading these and “cheating” my way to the good ending.

Gin and Juice - Dramatic Reading
Had this in my head for days after Anthony sent it over.
“Please: raise up off these N.U.Tees.”

New Music Sampler - Volume 1

Some of my favorite new music for you to enjoy. I’ve been emailing the below mp3s to my friends for the past month — here’s a way for anyone else interested to get hold of them.
(All mp3s downloaded legally from the web, largely from stereogum.com.) You can listen to them in the browser or download them for yourself.

1900s - Everybody’s Got a Collection
One of my favorite new bands. They’ve got a bit of a Belle and Sebastian feel to them. Unfortunately their sole release is not readily available and they are not touring here (Whyyyy gaaaaaahd?) … yet. I seriously need to pick up their album from their website, because I’ve played the singles I’ve found on the net way, way too many times. Give them a listen and impress your friends by being ahead of the times, man. (Link to their website)

Magnetic Fields - Too Drunk to Dream
These guys have been around for a while now, but I just got into them recently thanks to T. Ruth. This is one of my favorite tracks off their new album Distortion. The heavy, buzzing Jesus and Mary Chain distortion drives me wild with desire. Desire to crank my stereo to the maximum! (Link to their website)

The Raveonettes - Black-White
Distortion! Yes! YEAAAAAAAAS! More. MOAR! This pair from Denmark just released a great album entitled Lust Lust Lust. This track is not on that album, it’s part of some marketing campaign GAP is doing. I don’t care about that but this track is hot like black medieval tar searing the flesh from your bones. Your bones of love. (Link to their website)

Gnarls Barkley - Run
Everyone knows Gnarls Barkley. Even Jack White was covering their single. Did a damn good job too. This is their newest single for their upcoming release in April of this year. (Link to their website)

Vampire Weekend - Oxford Comma
The most over-hyped band this winter. We’ll see how they stand up to their album in April at the Turf Club. This song got plenty of pre-release play on my headphones. (Link to their website)

Tyler Ramsey - Long Dream About Swimming Across the Sea
Not sure on this dude’s story just yet. Caught an interview on NPR, I guess he’s been touring with Band of Horses lately. This song is enjoyable, albeit pretty simple. His voice reminds me of Mark Kozelek. (Link to his website)

Thom Yorke - Reckoner (Acoustic)
One of my favorite tracks off Radiohead’s release In Rainbows. Solo acoustic by Thom Yorke — you can’t beat that ladies and gentlemen! If I was a bob-headed girl at a Beatles concert I would be screaming a stain in my undies.

Bon Iver - Flume (live)
Justin Vernon is from Eau Claire, WI. He recorded this album in his family’s cabin. He’s touring now. Stop what you are doing and buy this album immediately. If you already have it, buy it again for a friend. Buy it for a friend’s girlfriend. It’s that good. Good enough to tame that bitch who has Dave whipped. This live cut from his performance at the Turf Club entranced the entire audience, me included. (Link to his website)

EXTREME Left Wing

I’m in ur demacrosy, doin indy nozebones 180s

Image Courtesy XKCD

A Tale of Robots

Once upon a time,

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The end.

Douchebaggery: Tattoo Edition

Enclosed you will find 5 pages of the worst tattoos imaginable. I literally laughed out loud several times. Especially at the more bizarre ones.

Warning, link is not safe for work. A few Dongs and Vaginas are pictured — albeit somewhat unrecognizable.

Mr. Cool Ice - America’s New Hope for Change

How to Pull Down a Palm Tree

Beer before wine…

You’re fine.

toothpastefordinner.com

Worst. Article. Ever.

Is this about politics? Sexism? Is it satire? Or is it just plain illogical and offensive?

She starts by criticizing women for being dumb. Then she “proves” they are, and then.. finishes… by saying… “So why not accept it and have fun doing the things I mentioned earlier, which happen to be dumb?”

We Scream, We Swoon